Skating in Circles

arm quiltA whirlwind of bodies, colors, and strong perfumes zoomed passed me. I slowly and hesitantly placed my skates on the hard surface, falling on my butt in the process. I laugh it off and get back up. The Pros danced circles around me as I scooted my way around the rink, jealous and very weary of falling down again. For the first bit, I really enjoy myself. But there’s something about couples skating, so called “Snowballs,” that really puts a damper on things for me.

I sit out the first one, watching people get to know each other, giggle, flirt, and glide across the floor. The second one, I decide to skate anyway. As I shuffle my feet slowly, I begin to wonder what it is that scares people away from me. Do I smell weird? No. I smell great. Is my haircut too extreme? No, that girl over there has similar hair. Does my lipstick put people off? That’s stupid. It’s just a color for my lips. Maybe I have a sign across my forehead that says “I’m a bitch.” Yeah, that’s probably it.

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But what do I care if I skate with some one or not? It’s not a matter of skating with anyone, it’s about making friends, and being a likeable person, which I am obviously not. But how do I become more likeable? Because I honestly would need to get that sign surgically removed from my forehead.

Wait, I shouldn’t have to change who I am just to have more friends. I like who I am, and I should only associate myself with others who like who I am as well, or could at least accept me wholly for who I am; my sick, twisted humor, my obsession with travel and makeup, my hypocritical behavior when it comes to judging others.

Maybe not, maybe I’m too difficult to get along with. Screw it, I can be my own best friend.

But why am I being so hard on myself? Skating is fun. I’m going around in circles, see? I’m even going faster. Good for me.

Oh yeah, I’m just angry. Angry with myself, and angry with a specific person. I hope that person has a terrible night’s sleep and has troubles getting to work in the morning. That’s mean. I shouldn’t say that. Too late.

Oh hey people I came skating with. Yeah, it’s nice you remembered my existence! Yes, let’s act like fools for the rest of the night. I like that. Let’s do this again.

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