I originally started this blog to keep friends and family updated on my travels, goings on, and what not. I started it to get me into doing more things, to get me social and adventurous. And I love posting about places I’ve been, things I’ve done, what I may have cooked in my kitchen, but I kind of want this blog to be a little more than that.
I’m putting my life online here, but only the good bits. People really only see the highlights of my week. Really, that’s all social media ever is; the highlights of some one’s life. You don’t see the real, nitty-gritty, what makes them tick kind of stuff that makes a person unique. There is so much more to an individual than a festival they went to, a country they visited, the silly faces they can make with friends. I feel like I’m lying to the world about who I am.
So I want to be real with you. And I realize how much I’m setting myself up for failure by posting about what’s heavy on my heart, or how I perceive things, but sometimes you need an outlet, and a blog may seem like the only option.
A little background on this: In the past I have suffered from severe depression. It came to the point where I considered taking my life, and I was placed under house arrest and required to seek psychological attention. Although that has come and gone, and I no longer have depression, I still have Seasonal Anxiety Disorder. In other words, during the colder months, I tend to lose my sense of purpose, I get overwhelmed by the smallest of things, and I have days (every once in a while) where I feel the world is against me and I’m alone. (Today may or may not be one of those days).
But those days are what makes me get out more, work harder, and try and be a better person.
However, I feel that I seriously lack any form of support from my friends. Especially those who mean the most to me. So when I say I feel alone, I really do mean it. If you happen to be reading this, and recognize that it may be a bad day for me…shoot me a small text, just say hi. It may turn the whole day around for me.
I won’t be posting these types on social media, it’s likely they’ll never even be seen. But at least I’m getting them out there.
That being said, to whomever this may concern (primarily me), I hope you’re out there, and I hope you don’t judge me too much. Because I will be complaining about life just a little bit.
Mary Jane xx