Every day, I count down the days until I may return to that beautiful city again. Hopefully only 133. I have big plans, but a shy way of budgeting them.
Since I’ve been home, I’ve been missing London a little less each day…but at the same time I’m craving it even more.
I miss it, in the sense that I miss the people I met, and I miss working at the homeless center. I miss my every day routine, but those are things that get blinded and replaced by new people I meet every day, and the daily routine I’ve begun since uni started again. But I still crave the cobblestoned streets, the lights at night, the feeling of being lonely, but not being alone. I crave the sights and the smells you can only get in that overly populated area. And I crave the limitless amount of things that you can do at any time of the day (mostly free too ). I crave the independence that it gave me, the independence that I feel entitled to. Nowhere else have I felt more myself, more grownup, and more in control of my life than in London.
When I got home, it took me months to recover not being out there. I couldn’t see a picture, watch a movie, or even hear an accent that reminded me of the UK without tearing up a little. I’m pathetic, I know. But eventually that feeling got replaced by nostalgia.
I don’t very much like the feeling of nostalgia. It’s this wonderful, overpowering, majestic feeling of pure sadness. At least to me. Nostalgia reminds me of what I have left behind, and reminds me that I should stop looking in the past. But why move on from a time that made me so happy?
“Mary Jane, just find that happiness in the things you do now!”
Shut up. I know. But I still like the happiness I felt last summer. Those little warm fuzzies were pure and completely unadulterated. I didn’t have to force myself to see beauty and wonder in everything. It just came. I want it to be that easy and forthcoming in everything I do. If London made it that way, shouldn’t I open it up as an option to visit or (perhaps) live in a place I love?
You don’t tell some one they can’t like puppies, because they liked it last week. You can’t tell them that puppies may never bring happiness to them ever again. If they love puppies, they will continue to do so, and maybe even get one of their own.
I await London’s call.